


Everything I Didn't Say

by shamelessbieber



Series: Mickey's Feelings [3]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-27
Updated: 2016-09-27
Packaged: 2018-08-18 05:42:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8151095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shamelessbieber/pseuds/shamelessbieber
Summary: Mickey went to jail after, Ian telling Mickey he'd wait but deep down he knew Ian wouldn't wait. So in a letter, Mickey tells Ian everything he didn't say.





	

Mickey sits in his jail cell, on the top bunk thinking about his visit with Ian yesterday. Ian said he'd wait, it seemed sincere but the goodbye Ian gave him ... It made Mickey think he wasn't going to wait. Mickey told him to lie if he had to but he regret it. Sighing, Mickey gets up, not caring if he woke his cellmate. He grabs a pencil and a paper, all his feelings bottled inside him soon about to be on a lined paper being mailed to Ian.

 

_To Ian,_

 

 

> _I know you're not waiting, and it's killing me but if i was you I wouldn't wait either. I'm not sending this to guilt trip you or anything but before you move on I want to tell you everything I've never told you before..._
> 
> _When you came to get that gun from me, I didn't want to hit you because I knew Mandy was a lying little bitch but I couldn't let my Southside rep go to shit for a ginger but look where I am now. Anyways, after we fought ... when we were getting undressed, I couldn't help myself. Your stupid face and your stupid body made me feel a way I've never felt for anyone female before. When you tried kissing me, I was going to let you but I was afraid of getting attached. All kisses mean something different and after sex kisses gives off passion and it means you want more and I wasn't planning on us becoming fuck buddies._
> 
> _That one time we fucked in the back when Kash caught us ... when you grabbed my hand during the sex, I wanted to push you away but it felt good. And I'm sorry for the shit I said to you, you're obviously not just a warm mouth to me. Jesus I never want that beard back again._
> 
> _The date you had with Jimmy's dad, I followed. I wasn't there by coincidence if you didn't know that already. I was jealous and didn't want anyone near what was mine. I'm pretty sure I admitted my feelings for you to myself then, knowing what was between us was more than just fucking._
> 
> _When Terry caught us Ian, Jesus .. I hate to reminisce on this but I have to tell you that I fucking hated every moment of it. I couldn't stand to look at you while Svetlana was riding me .. that's why I took over. So it could be done and over with and so I couldn't see the hurt on your face._
> 
> _The time when you had your episode and started stripping at the club, man I loved every moment of it. When you gave me that lap dance and watching you dance on the platform. I tried to act like it didn't phase me but it did, I wanted to take you on right then and there but you were being a stubborn little fucker._
> 
> _Let's go back to when I kept refusing to admit I was gay and I beat you up ... I cried after that. I hurt you and I made it seem like I didn't feel guilty after that but I did and all I wanted to do was run to you and apologize a thousand times but I fucking couldn't because I was a coward._
> 
> _When I came out, I didn't want to but I knew as soon as you walked out that door you'd be out of my life forever and I'd have to deal with seeing you with another man walking freely. I'm glad I came out though it caused us both to get in a fight with Terry but it was worth it. Fuck it was so worth it._
> 
> _Jesus, there's so many times when I hid my feelings that it would probably take up five pages front and back but seriously Ian, I wasn't lying when I told you I love you. Even though you never verbally told me you love me, I know you do ... I hope you do/did.._
> 
> _I love you, Ian Gallagher._

 

 

Ian reads the letter with so much concentration. He can hear Caleb talking in the background, but he was more worried on the shaky handwriting near the end. Mickey surprisingly has neat handwriting but the closer to the end of the letter the more sloppy the writing got, Ian knew it was because Mickey was getting emotional and couldn't handle it anymore.

"What's that?" Caleb questions, trying to read the paper but Ian folded it back up and shrugs.

"Just a long letter from an old friend." Caleb nods, Ian sighing afterwards. "I have to get to Fiona, she has a job interview and I'm watching Liam."

"Okay, call me when you're coming back." Caleb goes in for a kiss and Ian only pecks his lips before grabbing his coat and holding the letter in his other hand. While he was walking to the L, he read the letter. 

_Even though you never verbally told me you love me, I know you do ... I hope you do/did.._

"Fuck, Mickey, of course I love you."

When Ian reached the Gallagher house, Fiona wasn't even dressed. She doesn't even have a job interview, he just needed an excuse to leave so abruptly before Caleb assumed something so wrong. "Hey, why are you here? Not that you're not wanted but you're still with the firefighter, right?"

Ian knows his family doesn't like Caleb or just doesn't care about him because he's not Mickey but he could care less about what his family thinks. Frank is their father for gods-sake. When Ian doesn't reply, she furrows her eyebrows. "Everything okay?"

He hands the letter to Fiona knowing the letter was supposed to be them two but he didn't know what to do and he couldn't go to Mandy because him and Mandy aren't friends anymore. Fiona reads the letter, her eyes watering nearing the end. She never knew most of that went down between them.

Ian notices a frown and smile vary on Fi's face as she's reading. When she got to the end, she wipes her mouth and looks up at her brother. "What do I do?"

Fiona shrugs, "You told him you'd wait."

"But I didn't."

"It'd be too awkward to visit him so write him back." Fiona suggests. "Wow, Ian, you really changed Mickey."

Ian sighs, looking down to his feet before going to Debbie's room and getting a pencil and paper.

 

_Dear Mick,_

 

> _I didn't wait. I'm so fucking sorry... I can't lie to you because you'd figure out at one point. His name is Caleb, and he's a firefighter. Brown skin, same height as me. I'm not going to go into detail because I know you don't care but Mickey, I love you. I always loved you even though I never said it._
> 
>  

Mickey read the short letter back, his first reaction is to rip the letter up. He ripped it and threw it away and laid in his bunk all day. Some of the guards noticed his slouching and moping around during recess and lunch, his cellmate also concerned. He didn't eat, all he could do was imagine Ian with that firefighter, and fuck it was killing Mickey inside.

"You gotta eat man, they'll send you to a crazy ward. They'll think you're bipolar or some shit."

That triggered Mickey, immediately getting defensive. "There's nothing wrong with being bipolar, assface. Shut the fuck and leave me the fuck alone."

His cellmate put his hands up in defense and sat on the bottom bed. Mickey sighs, feeling as if he was going to cry, but he didn't let himself slip. If he cries he'll be weak and being weak in jail will break his cred and he can't be a bitch in jail. Over some fucking ginger. So, instead of crying, he wrote Ian back.

 

 

> _Fuck man, you don't sugar coat anything. Nice to know you're happy though._

 

 

Ian looks at the simple two sentenced letter, confused. Sighing, Ian looks up at Fiona. Fiona had called Ian and told him he has mail and it's from Mickey, so here he is now. "What's it say?"

Fiona takes the letter just as the back door opens, Mandy and Lip walking in. Ian turns to look at her, and when she makes eye contact, it's all red flashes to her. It was silent, Fiona looking up from the paper. "Fuck, Ian, what did you say back to him?"

Lip takes the paper, raising his eyebrows. "Who?"

"It's Mickey, isn't it?" Mandy gets defensive, taking the paper from Lip who tried to keep it from her reach. Ian watches as Mandy reads the short letter, and he notices her tearing up. "Fuck, Ian, you broke Mickey."

"He broke him? It's a two sentenced letter." Lip says in disbelief.

"I know my brother. When he get silenced that means he's done. He silenced Svetlana and look where she's at now, not even visiting Mickey. Mickey hasn't seen his son in almost a year, lost the love of his life, is spending eight years of his life in jail because of your crazy ass sister!" Now Mandy was getting mad. "You Gallagher's fucking suck!"

Mandy had stormed out, all three going after her. "Fuck, Mands, where are you going?" Lip yells.

"To visit Mickey, visiting hours end in three hours." She turns to look at them. "Are you coming?"

Ian stares at Mandy, then looks at Lip and Fiona. They nod, so Ian nods.

 

Mickey wasn't surprised he had a visitor, Mandy making sure she visited every time she could but she literally just visited him not too long ago. He sat down, only seeing Mandy since Ian was still filling out the sheet since this is his first time since the first time he visited. "What's up, lil sis?" 

"I'm going to get straight to the point." She says. "Ian's here."

"Fuck, Mandy, you couldn't stop yourself from meddling?" Mickey sighs. "Why?"

She explains about how she walked in while Ian was reading his letter and how Ian said he wanted to come on his own. Soon enough, Mandy put the phone down and walked away from the two talking. At first, neither of them spoke. Ian sighs, then looks up at Mickey, seeing the disappointed and sad look on his face. "You expected me to wait eight years, Mickey?"

"No, I didn't. Which is why I didn't make a big deal of it."

"B-But Mandy said I broke you." Ian frowns. "Did I?"

"Shit," Mickey chuckles, sadly. "You broke my heart. I'm still the same Mickey Milkovich as before, just openly gay."

Ian nods, not knowing what to say. He knows he doesn't have all the time in the world, so he decides to say what first came to mind. "I love you, Mickey. I do, and I was fucking stupid for not taking my meds and for breaking up with you but regardless if I hadn't broken up with you, you'd still be in here for eight years."

"I don't need any excuse from you Ian, Jesus. I'm not accusing you or blaming you for anything, I'm just sitting here. You're blaming yourself!" Mickey retorts back.

"I can't do this." Ian sighs. "I love you but I like Caleb and I can't just break up with him."

"No ones telling you to, Ian."

"I know that, Mickey. But I want you, it's so fucking hard for me to sit here and act like you and I never had anything. I want to kiss you so bad right now and I think that's technically cheating but I don't care." Ian chuckles, a small smile on Mickey's face. 

"We've got a few minutes left so I'm gonna say this now." Mickey looks into Ian's eyes. "I love you. And when I get out of here, I'm coming straight to you whether you're with that firefighter or not. Whatever happens happens."

"Okay."

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> tbh this isn't what i intended on writing but


End file.
